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Amazing Miscellany of Life: Glasses

January 17, 2007

I’ve had to wear glasses since I was 12, when I was busted in a routine National Eye Health Week exam at school. The teacher representing the Federales turned me in to my parents, who took me to an ophthalmologist, who determined I never could have read anything on the blackboard even from the front row. He was right of course. I was an auditory learner and compensated until the 7th grade bust.

I can’t tolerate contacts, hard or soft, because my eyes are too dry and sensitive. Eyedrops fall into two categories of intolerance: birdshot and ground glass.

I’ve never been on British National Health, but my glasses, like my shoes, usually look like BNH issue. So this time, when I went to pick up my new reading/computer glasses, my optician let me try on the $780 Swarovsky crystal frames, just for fun. Fortunately, these glamorous frames, thick with heavy Austrian crystal along the sides and front edges, were for another face and hair entirely. And they would have looked odd with my shoes, giving the impression that my eyes and feet had separate destinations.

Just as well. Given where I live, can you imagine being mugged for my glasses?


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