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Of apes and men and the law

April 17, 2007

I had just listened to a sermon titled “The Doctrine of God,” that Tom Chantry preached on Exodus 34:1-10. I was sitting on my exercise ball, spinning some wool into yarn on my hand spindle. It was time to give my Cat, whose excellent breeding is confirmed in his diabetes, his mid-day blood test.

Tom’s sermon dealt with God’s introduction of himself to Moses, and the difference between God’s justice, as inherent to his character, and man’s justice. He used an example of the outrageous injustice it would be for a judge to forgive a rightly convicted murderer, and yet that God can do this with absolute justice. God will by no means clear the guilty, and yet he will forgive sin: he accomplishes this, of course, through Christ’s fulfillment of the Law on behalf of sinners on whom he elects to have mercy.

I emailed my husband the dear Cat’s latest glucose reading, as I always do. It is our custom to confer over blood in the middle of the day. He had just emailed me this article with the latest amazing discovery that chimpanzees are more evolved than humans.

My tired legal mind immediately constructed the ultimate defense doctrine: Underevolved. Too many killers and muggers and looters were getting off on stupid defenses, like “bad background,” and “just poorly socialized.” This defense is bombproof: “I never had a chance. I didn’t get to evolve as much as a chimp.” Clearly, the poor guy had less chance than an ape not to misstep and blow up a mall.

The defense is unequivocally biological, so all it needs to become an established doctrine is for a handful of Liberals to jump up and down and shout it three times.

  1. April 17, 2007 2:01 pm

    I’m worried that you will give them ideas. They try tirelessly to accomplish that outrageous injustice.

    It’s Dorothy epistemology, all they need are ruby slippers to make it all true. “There’s no place for sin.”

    I think another example of the chimps’ evolution is that they choose not to wear such slippers. They seem happy to be what they are.

  2. April 17, 2007 2:04 pm

    I worry too. But I really love “There’s no place for sin.” Maybe “somewhere over the rainbow.”

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