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an oddly sublime infirmity

September 14, 2007

It seems I am having a brutish bout of acute adrenal exhaustion. I hope it is acute; I secured an appointment with an endocrinologist for December, and I would be dismayed to plummet into an Addisonian crisis before then. But I’m in a mellow phase now, the upside of exhaustion. The erratic overheating and chills, worse fatigue than my normal chronic fatigue has leveled me with in years, depression, and irritability, particularly toward people helpfully telling me I look “under the weather,” all have coalesced into contented resignation to God’s will: I see the Large Place directly underfoot. I am now fairly certain that Elijah had adrenal exhaustion after his big day of killing 450 false prophets and running to Jezreel ahead of Ahab’s chariot. Something like that is sure to bring it on if one is at all predisposed.   

Bobbie came over to be quiet and eat chocolate and pray with me, and Heidi sent me the most beautiful email with this poem. They have been the very best of sisters to me in joy and in sorrow, and it is too wonderful for me that God has made it so.

Sleep is no longer optional. My system is on auto-rest. I become extremely tired and hot speaking. This seems an emphatically good lesson: be quiet. I am learning it gladly this time, my resistance utterly disarmed.

Thou sweet, beloved will of God,
My anchor-ground, my fortress-hill,
My spirit’s silent, fair abode,
In thee I hide me, and am still.

Thy beautiful, sweet will, O God,
Holds fast in its sublime embrace
My captive will, a gladsome bird,
Prison’d in such a realm of grace.

Upon God’s will I lay me down
As child upon its mother’s breast;
No silken couch or softest bed
Could ever give me such deep rest.
—G. Tersteegen

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2 Comments
  1. Bobbie permalink
    September 14, 2007 9:54 pm

    thanks Lauren

  2. scribbles2day permalink
    September 15, 2007 11:44 am

    Get well soon!

Comments are closed.