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Splat! That’s me, hitting the wall

November 6, 2007

This is maintenance? Oh God, please don’t leave me like this and let it be called “maintenance.”

I have met my index of minimal function this morning: I gave my Cat his insulin shot on time. Nothing else matters urgently. He was very patient, letting me rest an hour before attempting to feed and brush him. I can do things….Besides, my house is in great shape from my surge yesterday.

I called my dentist when the office opened to cancel the appointment I had hoped to keep two hours later. I told him of my recent Addison’s diagnosis, and informed him, as I am to inform all my health care providers, that I am taking hydrocortisone. He was very kind and understanding and will not charge for the missed appointment; I may make another as soon as I feel more stable.

Will I ever know from one day to the next?I realize that I have fallen into treating Addison’s as an interest. Today it whomped me back into realization that it is a fatal wasting disease. Manageable, yes, but that is what it is and this is what it feels like.The medication sometimes just keeps you from dying. Normal life is the aspiration, and with time it is usually the norm, once the medication stabilizes. So far, I’ve had a few glimpses, but no stable sense of wellness. But it’s only been a little more than a week. At six weeks I should be able to look back on this as a minor phase.

I had a migraine Saturday that permitted me the benefit of an extra “sick” dose of hydrocortisone. I felt great. Monday my husband spoke with my endocrinologist and asked whether I could keep to the higher dose on a regular basis because I did so much better on it. NO. NO. NO. He was concerned about side effects.

Side effects. Behold: my slender feet and ankles spent two days as puffy red stumps. Ugh.

I am to remain on the meager maintenance dose. It will slowly improve my symptoms. On the maintenance dose I am thoroughly weak and ill. This cannot be maintenance. But I have complete confidence in my doctor and believe it will happen as he says.

I feel like a Make A Wish kid. I don’t want to go ride a cable car over Zermatt or anything like that, but I am happy making rounds to be among brethren I seldom see in our extended church family. Walking around my neighborhood is such a treat–I plan it as if I were going to Disneyland. I’m happy looking out the window at my back yard, enjoying the lawn’s skirt of golden-buff leaves that match our molting chickens. Yesterday, a downy woodpecker worked his way around the grubline of the mountain ash. But you know, God doesn’t make it apparent that he distinguishes between the trivial and the tremendous, either.

  1. November 6, 2007 10:15 am

    The heavens declare the glory of God, and so do the sparrows and woodpeckers.

    God is the one who maintains. This is a good post for reminding us of all that–despite the travails.

    And thank God for good doctors and good dentists and good cats.

    And good oat-cakes too. ;-)

  2. November 6, 2007 10:17 am

    Yes, and good and appreciative husbands, too. :)

  3. Teng permalink
    November 7, 2007 10:56 pm

    Such an inspiring post. I’m happy you’re doing well despite… You go girl! :)

  4. Teng permalink
    November 7, 2007 10:56 pm

    Thank God for very supportive husbands!

  5. Janet permalink
    November 8, 2007 10:59 am

    Oh, dear Lauren! When we know the mighty Creator God, the trivial is tremendous, is it not? Thank Him for the eye He has given you to see His hand in the tiniest things. He who is in charge of sparrows perhaps sent the downy woodpecker to His child to cheer her day.

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