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America’s laundry show and the stolen year

December 1, 2008

Whose grotesque idea were the early primaries, anyway? To stretch a laundry metaphor: whose idea was it to immerse a very mixed load in cold-water caucuses beginning in January (booh, Iowa), keep it spinning until August, rinse and run through a hot cycle until November, and finally wring and hang dry a bunch of worn-out, recycled Change-brand articles, labels faded but still attached? An entire year watching a Rinse and Spin cycle. It’s too pathological.

I doubt I’ll tune in for the next season: Picking Lint Out Of The Drain, between re-runs of Fluff Only. I didn’t think much of the previews. I read the prequel; it takes the saga back to 1918. I didn’t like it.

The Rinse and Spin series has urged some good on our local scene. When gas prices went above $4.00/gal, we cheered elitely at the reduced traffic volume, and I began making my husband’s lunches to offset the cost of the commute plus grabbing a quick scoop of $6.00 teriyaki. I found that I like making his lunches and he prefers them to the downtown fare. The bit of money we save goes toward the IUF (Inevitable Unemployment Fund).

But in reality, there will actually be no bit of money saved, because it is already spoken for. Trillions of bits just like our scrapings are already spoken for. Other Americans, like GM, and Citibank, have so little; it is incumbent upon us to give of our substance that they might at least live.

I’m not liking the series, there’s nothing else on, and it’s time to do laundry. I do mine American style: everything goes in one load, one multi-purpose detergent, one temperature, and what survives, survives, and what doesn’t, gets worn anyway, and I blame the machine.

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One Comment
  1. Jane permalink
    December 1, 2008 8:36 am

    Bravo, Lauren. Very clever and well said. Again, it’s a good time to be a Calvinist.

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