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in defiance of morbidity

April 14, 2009

Monday. I am typing by holding two pencils in a gentle, atypical grip, using the erasers to press the keys. It is slow, but I have been depressed not writing.

I tried handwriting with my Bamboo stylus in Paint, and uploading the jpegs of my refrigerator-magnet-quality creations as email attachments. But the Bamboo pen left my index finger throbbing, and now, notes to dear friends are tainted with the rue of maudlin martyrdom. No more email. 12 min. to type this far.

My mother-in-law is a providential genius. Normally, I never use fancy bound blank journals people who don’t write assume people who write use. I consider my thoughts too base to commit to paper too lavish to discard. I prefer the computer, and the lethal power of its ephemerality. But my m-i-l sent me a modest little book of 60 small pages. Each page holds a concise thought with attractive empty space around it. 22 min. and must stop; hands are smarting.

Tuesday. I was reading Joshua 7 Sunday. I thought of how Achan repented, showed Joshua to the loot he had coveted and taken. But Joshua could show no mercy. Everyone was equal under the Law. Achan and all of his children and all of his animals were stoned to death. The Law had to be upheld. I wrote in my little book,

“Only grace invites repentance; the Law invokes only retribution. Joshua 7:16-26.”

On another page, I recorded the theme of Joel Beeke’s Resurrection Sunday sermon on Acts 2:24:

“It is impossible that the impossible would not have happened.”

Last night I wrote this haiku, which fit nicely on a page:

Like great white tongues, flat
flakes of snow lap April-green
grass from cold silence.

Time to bury my hands in their heated rice pillow.

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2 Comments
  1. April 14, 2009 9:35 am

    Lauren what a beautiful haiku, as well as your other thoughts.

    My treasured friend, I wish I could send you a daily box with all my daily love and thoughts and prayers. The terribly difficult part of crucifixion is only a confirmation that we will also share in that impossible thing that it is impossible would not have happened.

    (( )) with love.

  2. Janet permalink
    April 14, 2009 11:24 am

    Hi, Lauren!

    I am so sorry that you are suffering so. Your haiku is beautiful.

    Love, Janet

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