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Whoa, Myra! An icon stuns the world with a treatise on toothbrush management

April 15, 2010

See, if I were on Twitter as the cultural icon Myra Kapolsky, the world would be following her docket, and I would not have to blog about the industry-guarded secrets of proper electric toothbrush maintenance. But since I refuse to tweet, or twit, or whatever alternative communication mode is required, I’ll explain here of my exciting discovery.

Yet another in our series of ill-fated electric toothbrushes has bitten the dust. I think it’s our third in a year. This time, realizing our defeat, we resorted to the proletarian protocol of reading the 3.5-point sans serif-type instructions.

My slovenliness has cost us another $23. In my ignorance, and smugness that I knew how to operate something as technical as an electric toothbrush, I completely neglected to discharge the toothbrush after six months of use.

Only Myra Kapolsky could have a social calendar as enviable as mine. The entry for October 15, 2010 — exactly six months from today — reads, “Discharge Oral-B. Remove from charger & turn on until dead.” I realize most Americans only dream of being so busy, and I certainly don’t wish to boast, but there it is.

Eat your heart out, Myra Kapolsky. Your vanguard flank against meaning will never win.

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