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Tough hugs, and brambles yet ahead

August 30, 2010

It’s starting to hit: just as tragedy glorifies God when we turn the crystal, the things in which we rejoice have their jagged edges. Well favored departures are departures, and departures are hard.

I’m bone-ragged from a pleasant Lord’s day of fellowship, visiting much of the afternoon while standing on concrete in our church’s parking lot; then an evening of leave taking from friends and the pastor of our sister church an hour away, where we have visited off and on as long as we’ve been with our own church. Somehow, the idea of missing and being missed was something I had not fully factored into the happy transition scenario. But we know we will never be in one place with everyone we love this side of glory.

At this point I feel as though I am walking along a peculiar slope, partly pasture and partly brambles. I received a bright green grazing treat from Heidi: a profound and whimsical spider poem that by my reckoning outclasses Blake. Among the brambles, with a most congenial home inspection engaged by our presumptive buyers behind us, an appraisal remains to be scheduled that will determine whether the lender will come through; and therefore, whether the sale will proceed or fail. My ebullient realtor gives it an 80% chance of success. My worldview being what it is, I see a 20% chance of failure; and despite two years of graduate-level statistics, this translates into Failure is Inevitable. I wish my realtor would accept backup offers; but the Market would guffaw: “Are you kidding? You’re lucky you got an offer!” I know. And each day till the appraiser comes, the trendline takes a dip.

I pray for peace of mind instead of reactivity to every nuance of every event and every possibility; but the Lord is permitting me for now to tread rivers of fire and ice. It will make the green pastures so much sweeter, and to God’s glory, I will thank him for his mercies. Visibility is pretty good ahead, and the brambles appear to thin out a little way up the slope.

  1. September 1, 2010 6:00 am

    Lauren I have been thinking especially of how hard the home inspection has to be, and how hard this hugely stressful event has to be with a disease that not only preys on, but predisposes one towards, life in general experienced as a series of stressors. I pray that despite the face that God often does not cushion us from anxiety in the world so much as we would wish, that it will be the means of knowing more profound peace in Him: as we read a couple weeks ago in the words of Martin Luther, peace in the Word of Christ means trouble in the world. This so we know the source of our peace and cling to it ever more hopefully not only in spite of but in some way by means of all these things. Oh be very strongly hugged and know you have been quite constantly in my prayers.
    I was reflecting just personally yesterday, though I have a much more limited experience, how grateful I learn to be that He who is so sympathetic over our least scrapes and bruises — that He is not at all conflicted in this great and deep sympathy which we so hunger for, in holding our feet in the furnace in His loving and unalterable purpose to see us grow into the joy of an inheritance of grace and glory. I pray you can rest in His eternal purpose and love.

  2. September 1, 2010 8:02 am

    Heidi, just thank you.

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